Life Lessons
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What doesn’t Kill Me…

Years ago when Toronto started it’s Summerlicious and Winterlicious festivities, I’ve wanted to attend. But working where I was, I didn’t have much time to do any of these things. So, this year, for the first time since they began, I vowed to go to Summerlicious. Though I invited people, I made up my mind to go with or without them, since lately, I’ve taken to doing things on my own–more out of proving to myself that I can go and have fun alone.

Anyway, the restaurant I chose has some amazing views of the city–Toula. It’s on the 38th floor of the Westin Hotel downtown Toronto.

I asked a bunch of ma peeps, booked the reservation WAY ahead of time and the wait began.

Great. Attaining my Summerlicious dream is about to come to fruition–one problem though–I’m afraid of heights. I have no idea where that fear came from. When I was a kid I would climb trees and shimmy to the limb over the river then jump. I used to live on a hill–not just a small hill but a bit of a climb to the house. I would climb fruit trees, lie in wait for the boys and throw rotten fruits at them. I would scale rock surfaces only to jump off into the deepest part of the river.

Then all of a sudden, I’m terrified of flying. I’m terrified of elevators and the height they can reach. I have nightmares about hanging off the side of the CN Tower…

But I digress.

So one night, about two weeks before the night we were supposed to go, I was lying on bed thinking about me going up that elevator to the 38th floor just for some food. I became nervous and turned on my computer to cancel the reservation and to find some excuse about why I couldn’t go. I had to stay home and shampoo the cat. My fish died. I was moving to Pluto….

Then it hit me – I’ve spent most of my life afraid of things. Afraid of going places and doing things. I see others posting these amazing pictures of the amazing stunts they’ve pulled, and here I am staying in the safety of my bubbly being afraid of an elevator ride.

In that moment, I decided I would try and do something that scares me at least once a month. July, it was going up to Toula and actually looking down. I did look down. I took pictures and stared at the cars and people going about their business and musing how they looked like ants so far away.  I mean, sure, I couldn’t watch as the elevator went up since we took the scenic one that was glass and you could see just how high we were going and the guy in the elevator kept teasing me, but I did it.

I’m not sure what August will be yet. I’m thinking budoir photos with a photographer friend of mine. She is looking to build her portfolio and is having some amazing sales for people who are willing to help her out.

September will be moving on my own for the first time and the CN Tower with the best friend. I mean, seriously, the CN Tower is the epic, big daddy of what scares me the most.

December, I’m looking to go to a Jane Austen Ball, in the costume of the times. I’m afraid that people will tell me that I’m historically inaccurate. After all, the race issue being what it was during those days. Plus, chances are I’d be going alone since my friends aren’t remotely into anything historic and wouldn’t want to go to something like this since we’d have to learn how to dance like they did back then and that is going to take time.

I’m even planning to take a few Burlesque classes! Who knows? Maybe after doing all these things I can get a few amazing stories for books out of it all!





This entry was posted in: Life Lessons


They call me Kat, or Kitty Kat. I am a 34 year old Legal Admin Assistant by day, sensual, interracial romance author by night writing under Kadian Tracey and Kendra Mei Chailyn. I'm the best selling author of Broken Wings, Made to Bend Not Break, Cowboy Lullaby, A Lover’s Wish, Kiss It Better, GSG 9: CIRO: Miracle and the Beast (in the Susan Stoker Kindle World), SURRENDER: Prey and The Shadowcat Series. My life is pretty much spent tapping away at keyboards either at my day job or my evening job (writing). What will this blog be about? Well, aside from my writing, someone told me recently that there is plenty of fun to be had in Toronto at 33 years old and single! So, I’ve decided to have a little fun! I am hoping this fun will parley into more stories, novels and an evolution in my writing as well as a deeper understanding of myself. This blog is to talk about my day, things I see, people I interact with, music, art, what's happening in the world and events I attend! Here’s hoping I can make you smile and grow in the process!

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